You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she peed on how many people?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
