I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
