I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
