He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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