CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
