I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
