Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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