if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I won the penis lottery.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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