i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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