lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
