There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
