So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
