all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
