i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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