I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
