after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
