OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
