i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
