omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
