Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
