I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
