okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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