oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
