under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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