i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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