I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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