He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
