You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
