Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
