I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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