Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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