My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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