Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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