Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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