I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
