Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
