yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
