she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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