I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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