I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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