You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
