Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
