Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
