I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
