afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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