Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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