Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
