Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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