I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
