im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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