The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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