In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
