Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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